I didn't really understand how crazy my life was until I was forced to slow down. You see, I am a go getter. Always doing something. As in, I can not sit still...ever.
Owning a photography business for the last 13 years, having 2 kids, and trying to "please" everyone, is a lot of work. It's all I've ever known to push long hours, work on the weekends, and work most evenings.
When I got pregnant with my son, I was exhausted. As in he wore me out from day one (and still does). I was always feeling sick and was in bed by 7:30/8:00 most nights. Once I had him things didn't change much, I was still tired because I had a newborn, but so many other things had been brought into my life, that life was just exhausting.
It was at the time of my sons birth that my life started to unravel...(in a good way, now that I look back..in a bad way at the time). My husband and I were struggling in our marriage (working through some very intense deep things), I had just had a c-section, I had PPD, I had a very active 6 year old and a newborn, and I realized that I needed to work on ME...because I was literally going to fall apart if I didn't take the time to stop and figure out what I wanted in life ...like really wanted.
I have always told God that my business was His. I've relied on him to help me gain clients, keep up with the work load, and just provide. I've had many conversation where I've told HIM that I love working, love photography, and love business so much, that if he wanted me to stop, He had to make it very clear and take it away.
So over the last 2 years he pretty much did that. I didn't get it at first...you see...I'm stubborn. Really stubborn. So when things started to slow down, I instantly went into crazy business mode and started figuring out ways to make it work. All in the meantime, God was working on me personally and giving me hints that I needed to slow down.
The last 2 1/2 years I have had a mind shift. A really important one that I am so thankful for. You see, I realized that I needed to take care of ME. As in stop letting me be last on my "help" list. Most of my life everyone else has come first. My clients have gotten most of me, to be honest. I work around their schedule..when they can meet, do a shoot, schedule a phone call...and while that is totally fine and I've loved it, it didn't help me find balance. My kids and husband have always come before me as well, because I am a wife and a mom, and that is what we do...we take care of those we love. What a blessing to be able to do that. However, I realized in all of this that I was broken. I wasn't taking time to fix me...so I was loosing energy and focus and wasn't able to take care of my family or clients like I really desired. I was broken and needed to figure out how to fix me.
So as my world seemed to be crumbling all around me, a broken marriage, a business slowing down, kids that I emotionally could barely handle, I started to work on ME.
I finally took time to work on my health. I started working out and started eating healthy. And you know what? I found that in taking time for ME...I was a better me. I was able to fight the PPD, emotionally I was more "there" for my kids and husband, and while my business was still slowing down, I was thinking clearer than before.
I knew God wanted bigger things for me and I was finally willing to listen. Over the next year I started to let go of things and just allow God to direct me. It wasn't easy, but it was good. I didn't understand it, but I had peace. I totally get that many of you might not understand this and that's ok. For me, my journey involves talking and listening to God..it's how I find my peace...it's what keeps me moving each day.
During this time of change a few books were dropped in my lap...one being my new favorite book, "present over perfect" by Shauna Neiquist. I started reading this and everything changed. You know how you start reading a book and you KNOW it was the absolute perfect timing. This was that book. She talks about all the crazy and busy and hustle and how it was damaging who she was. She talked about how she wanted to be more present in life, and not always be perfect.
It hit my life and heart strings and spoke to me so much. I wanted to live again. I wanted freedom. I wanted to not be burdened by life. I wanted to play with my kids. To be healthy in spirit, mind, and body. I wanted to not work as much and have the stresses of work. I wanted to be financially free and not burdened by debt. I wanted to REST.
So… I decided it was time. Time to make a change. Time to slow down in what I was doing and figure out if there is something more…. take time to develop myself, be there for my family, and help others to do the same.
So this year I’m changing focuses… It’s a huge step… but I know that it’s so important to do. I’m taking a Sabbatical from something dear to me that is all I’ve known.. PHOTOGRAPHY. Crazy right? I know…. it’s who I am.. it’s what I’m known for, but man… I have so much more that I want to do… and this year I’m going to do it!
Through ALL of this learning, I’ve found a new passion…a passion to help others find who they are… to find balance in being a mom, being a business woman, and getting healthy. My new passion in fitness is much more than just working out and getting “skinny”… it’s finding how to find the time for me, plus be there for my kids… finding the balance in it all AND sharing it.
So this year, I’m taking a Sabbatical from photography and I’m going full force into helping others with health and fitness. I am so passionate about helping others to find peace and balance… I wish I would have found this earlier on in my career, so I hope to help others stop for moment, and figure this out before it gets too late.
This new site is dedicated to this passion. It’s been a HUGE work in progress and I’m so excited that it’s live.
If you are in a place in life where you know that you need change.. that you need to find a way to get balance…I would love to help you in this journey.